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too close to the girls? How come every adult had an opinion on the youth group? At the same time, I was also very worried about my university work and my job. I didn't want to let these things suffer while I invested so much time in my youth activities. But at the same time doing things for Baba seemed more important. By the end of the year I had worked myself up into such a state that I wanted to flee youth group. But no, Baba had other things in mind and my term was extended a year. Suddenly, it struck me how negative I was being. I began to realise that I depended on my smaller self, rather than my Divine self. I was not letting Baba work through me. I decided to attempt Atma-confidence.
So in my second year as youth leader, I tried to leave each task I did in Baba's hands. I tried not to worry about anybody else's opinion, except Baba's. I would listen to everyone and try to imagine what Baba was saying through them, and what He would want me to do. I decided to give up worrying about the number of hours I devoted to the youth group as opposed to university. This was especially difficult because last year the youth group was very busy preparing for the World Youth Conference (WYC) in Puttaparthi and I also had my politics thesis due.
But I was determined not to be fazed. I left it up to Baba to guide me with everything; I even let Baba choose my thesis topic for me. Before the WYC, I had a vague idea of somehow weaving spirituality into my politics thesis. At the WYC, it struck me that Baba kept repeating, "You must all study the nature of Love". He said this over and over again. Then I knew what my thesis topic was to be! I decided to write my politics thesis on love. I decided to look at the place of the idea of love in politics.
Of course, this created a few problems with some of my university lecturers and peers who all, like Tina Turner, asked "What's love got to do with it?" But by that stage I had determined that if that's what Baba wanted, that's what I would do. In any case, as far as I was concerned, Baba could write the thesis for me, because I sure didn't have the time!
As I wrote, I knew that Baba was writing for me. Paradoxically, even though it was one of the most stressful periods in my life, at moments it was also the most peaceful, because I had finally surrendered something to Baba. I knew Baba was writing for me.
This Atma-confidence was liberating, because it meant feelings of inferiority, competitiveness, or envy could never take control. To say "my Atma is better than yours" or "gee, I wish my Atma was as good as hers" made no sense. I realised that this Atma-confidence helps us to escape that whole realm of pettiness.
Most importantly, for the first time, I was not afraid to let my spiritual beliefs flood into my university work and had the confidence not to keep them separate. In at least (Continued on page 6)
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